Doner Kebab, Moratti, Edinburgh

Offering: Doner Kebab

Establishment: Moratti, Edinburgh

Date and time:  23rd September 2018, 01:55

Price: £4.80

Seating: 2 basic tables 2 or 3 chairs and a side table with no chairs.


In this ultra competitive doner environment, one can easily overlook establishments of great repute. This might occur when an inn is so understated and in such a location that when passing, you are busy to-ing and fro-ing God knows where. Oftentimes, such an establishment has the most inconvenient opening hours that its easy to think that the place in question has long gone out of business as its rarely a thought or considered a viable option. Such a place exists in the Cowgate. Its called Moratti.

Owned and operated by Arabs* (like most don zones!), Moratti has been an understated champion for at least thirteen or so years but likely many more. I first visited Moratti in around 2005 and I remember ordering a pizza; the delightful crust and the right amount of grease to give the experience that full fat flavour.

Other reasons this place barely features on anyone's radar is also because it appears to be a two-man operation; they don't do deliveries. Its also situated exactly where the Cowgate stops getting much footfall. You know the place. It's where the new buildings start. You only ever go down there if you're A: new in town and want to see what's down there, maybe visit Dynamic Earth, B: been chucked out of a club, pished oot yer tits and want to forget about it all with some good old fashioned seclusion or C: a student wanker that stays in one of those horrible new builds. Still, there was not much else down that way other than some formerly affordable housing.

In fact, kebabs should only ever come in one size and that size, sizable.

The service here is always friendly - every time I've visited, I've been struck by how pleasant the man behind the counter is. His curiosity always piques when he sees an unfamiliar face and engages in a gentle discussion on doner warfare. Oddly, there always seems to be an abundance of American visitors to this eatery - every time I enter there are friendly Americans, usually students waiting to chow down delights rare in their homeland.

The kebab comes in only one size - its not gigantic but it is substantial. In fact, kebabs should only ever come in one size and that size sizable. A lot of places charge you north of five quid for a few slithers of their carved meat and send you on their way whereas most places that do only one size tend to leave you satisfied with their portions at least.

Immediately I am disappointed by the salad on the side - this is a minor inconvenience. The default stance should be salad upon the meat, the meat inside the carbs. The sauce is very light, slightly tangy, tomato based but mostly not very hot. It's a like a Pole's idea of a spicy sauce. There was an option of youghurt based garlic sauce that I opted to omit, being more inclined to a tangy salad liquor but the bar was dry. The meat had a satisfying moistness and a very delicate chew. As the evening progressed, the gradual lift was a monumental event, peaking at first bite the softness of the pita complimenting the slight sauce and the meaty collision. Whilst the salad was missing the more obvious suspects such as a red cabbage, its lighter leafed alternative seemed to fill the void nicely.

At a grand total of only £4.80, this doner kebab is the best you can get in the city centre, that is to say if your idea of the city centre does not extend to Dalry Road where you can get something rivaling this work of art in Lazeez. This price, this size makes this kebab a pilgrimage for Donerites in the city.

Verdict: 9/10

 

Adendum: It has come to my attention that the owner is Algerian but the charismatic carvers adding steel to the operation are in fact French-Italian and Dutch.

Large Doner Kebab, The Best Kebab House, Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Best Kebab House, Leith

Date and time:  various times over 2017

Price: £6.50

Seating: 3 high rise chairs

Over the years many working-class areas the length and breadth of the country have become home to certain kind of urbanite, providing of course that area had more than a bookie and a pub. What’s more, these areas are usually not as homogenous as the more exclusive parts of the city; oftentimes, containing a variety of people of different creeds and colours making up this melting pot reflecting in the diversity of choice available for shoppers and kebab conquerors alike. Leith is one such area. Gentrified almost beyond recognition, in Leith Walk it was common place to see drunken, obnoxious good-time boys on the first day of British Summertime proclaiming their own greatness with gleeful gusto and rank self-awareness; the rancid junkie in his casual stupor or indeed a charming character, ‘Buzz' known for his transcendental aerosol gas intake, who would make friends with any of the aforementioned with the ease and similar objective of a Salamander Street operative extracting coin from said inebriate.

Whilst these inhabitants still exist in Leith today, there has been a rapid intake of the English hipster crowd, accelerated though perhaps not sparked by the emergence of student flats for Edinburgh University residents in the Shrub Hill area of Leith Walk. It is now more common to see sheepskin coats, thick rimmed glasses with Apple laptops in hand than Buzz or his sympathisers exiting one of the nearby pubs. Slowly but surely, the historical characters have either died off or moved further towards the Foot of the Walk to nearby Junction Street where pubs are still cheap and stabbings unreported.

One thing that’s not changed over the decades though is that Best Kebab House is still regarded as a Leith institution. We’ve previously spoken about the bad blood that once existed between them and the owners of Original Best Kebab House and sadly, after much controversy, the OBKH lost its operating license due to a number of violations though mainly thanks to operating after 1AM – a practice it was not entitled to. It’s a shame really. The chilli sauce was in a different league – it genuinely lived up to its name whereas the more common establishments serve a glamorised tomato ketchup.

The meat, with its smoother spaced touch gives the impression of being slightly cheaper than the OBKH fare and thus less chewy, it also doesn't taste tremendously well seasoned.

Some years ago, before the conflict, Best Kebab House used to operate from the now defunct Express Best Kebab (or something, God knows what it was called but it lasted around two months and was quite frankly sub-par) and previously OBKH. Back when it was a united entity, it truly was the best kebab in Leith. Utterly unrivaled on this end of Princes' Street, the closest kebab by proximity was Leith Walk Kebab and Pizza House across the road from Pilrig Street, once adorned with Coca Cola signs and unquestionably not worth the effort. At Elm Row, there is a place that's had more names than Buzz has had aerosol cans, it was half decent when it was known as Chillies though for the last ten or so years it's been known as Olympos.

The Best Kebab House of 2005 was the pinnacle of doner achievement in Edinburgh. The sauce was identical to OBKH, the famous potatoes had the most delicious thick coating, one would forget chips existed. Best Kebab House in 2017, whilst not living up to those lofty standards - the product still packs punch. The chilli sauce, though delightfully textured tastes more common, quite sweet and has a runny viscosity, it is still a handy companion to curly doner slithers. The meat, with its smoother spaced touch gives the impression of being slightly cheaper than the OBKH fare and thus less chewy, it also doesn't taste tremendously well seasoned.

With prevalent red lettuce and the timeless salad sauce, the kebab does a lot of things right. The pita bread, despite being unremarkable is sturdy and carries its contents proud. The accompanying tatties are still a draw, with salad sauce and pickled cabbage they are a devourer's delight however they're a shadow of themselves. Previously, the coating of the most delectable fried chicken had been sealed upon a roast potato whereas now, its as if some of the batter from lesser chicken once shared a tray with the potato. The kebabbery is such a clean place and the seating area, whilst small is spotless, I often have no problems parking myself here for 15 or so minutes though at times, it can be busy and you might be tempted by the fried chicken across the road.    

Despite the changes in Leith Walk, despite the change in ownership of Best Kebab House, its new recipes and its ever changing clientele - I can't blame the hipsters for diminishing the quality of the beloved kebab sold here. It's still worth a visit, serves a mean doner and with an original side dish that you simply won't get elsewhere in Edinburgh. Whilst the hipsters might have chased away the beloved Arthur Willaims, who was rumoured to be alienated by the hummus in the chilled aisles of Scotmid, it would seem that Best Kebab House will always remain in some form or another.

Verdict: 7/10

 

An offer worth pondering...

If like me, your interest in doner kebabs and all of its various interpretations is of paramount interest and if you are in or around Edinburgh City Centre, perhaps with a friend, the following promotion may be of interest to you:

The image is from Pizza Paradise (George IV Bridge). This is, in my opinion a pretty respectable though not incredible kebab establishment. It also means that you can have a kebab for breakfast, lunch and dinner, on the cheap - this is can only be a good thing. I recommend you all try this at least thrice and I look forward to hearing about your ridiculous doner frolics in the near future.

Large Doner Kebab, Cafe Piccante (London Road), Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Café Piccante, London Road, Edinburgh

Date and time: 17th December 2016 23:29

Price: £7.50

Seating: 3 chairs, 1 window length table

In the East of the city, towards the London Road area, there is a wealth of kebaberies to choose from. One particularly well known feast for the eyes is the legendary operation known as Cafe Piccante. This eatery made its name by being the first kebab zone to offer a chocolate pizza, a live DJ complete with bab-orientated set list and a mean looking bouncer that's ready to eject any of the underfed jakey's that can't handle digesting the chilli sauce. Of course, this Cafe Piccante is the one situated in Broughton Street - next to the hustle and bustle of the Capital's gay-friendly nightspots.

The London Road branch is sobering in comparison. With the DJ long hung, the bouncer (almost) not required and pizza's strictly savoury - other than that, the London Road Cafe Piccante offers an identical product to its more popular big brother. Operating from the former style-over-substance racket that was Picasso; Piccante doesn't really add much to the competing (and somewhat strictly average) babberies of this part of town.

The first thing worth noting is that there Piccante certainly want you to taste the spice and they do this by adding a few sliced jalapenos as part of their salad offering. This is a nice touch and I feel as though all doners should come with this enticing yet mild pepper (or at least something similar). It is the perfect accompaniment to any kebab, even if you like your kebabs creamy rather than spicy as they offer a succulent crunch as part of the overall experience.

...stop making your chilli sauces too sweet - they are called 'chilli' for a reason...

The cuts of the tomato are exactly how tomatoes should be cut for a kebab: quarter pieces to assist with the grandiloquent lift of the pita sandwich. Unfortunately, many eateries continue to insist that tomatoes must be sliced and stuffed into the pita, with no thought as to how a poor connoisseur must ravish such an already deconstructed sorry looking kebab. As a whole though, the salad is well thought out and is generally near the standard of how a doner salad should be, perhaps only lacking any red cabbage.

Sadly, with this kebab, its all downhill from here - the chilli sauce is sweet and adds little to nothing to this bab-nasty exercise. Calling all kebab shops - stop making your chilli sauces too sweet - they are called 'chilli' for a reason. They are not called sweet sauces. Emphasis should be given to creating a sauce that has bite, not a sauce that has sugar.

There's a slightly odd feature of the kebab that may interest some of you and it was also a feature of Turkish Carry Out kebabs too; the box is compartmentalised. If you don't like your kebabs and salads to touch then you might be in luck - for the rest of you though, I fear you may never live this down as it clearly is a slight.

The doner meat is grim and tastes like ultra processed soya morsels; it gives the whole kebab a non-distinct peppered taste with very little else to show for itself. There is no real meaty texture and it quickly becomes apparent that none of this meats imbalanced combination of ingredients concludes in a memorable meal. It feels a lot like this establishment really don't care about what they are selling when it comes to doner and care only for the people that are going to be too drunk to be discerening enough to conclude that this kebab was essentially uninspired. Like far too many places, this establishment is well placed and just outside of zone one to qualify for the prestigious 3PM opening hours, it almost certainly catches the dregs of the late night revellers that were far too pre-occupied to go to a decent kebab place when they came out of whatever hole they danced in. If you are such a person, may I recommend one of their many un-donered pizzas.

Verdict: 5/10