Large Doner Kebab Sandwich, Zenobia, Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab Sandwich

Establishment: Zenobia, Edinburgh

Date and time: 17th November 2016, 13:05

Price: £5 (concessions)

Seating: Many seats, primarily a restaurant.


Friends, I think I'm been followed. Not on this blog but indeed the real world. It would seem that my face is becoming a regular fixture in doner establishments - that would at least explain the discounts I get given randomly by familiar faces behind the counter. I'm not complaining, in fact, this is perhaps the only time I get a regular discount in any sort of establishment and I'm really grateful for it. Anytime you see the word concessions next to the price of the item, that is indicative of a delightful doner friend-ed discount, such establishments deserve your special attention for they have helped democratise the doner. They are friends of the people. The common man. 

I know what your thinking - the informer has went all posh, it was only a matter of time before the greedy bastard had his cake and eat it! May I remind you though, renting the plate cost nothing here - the cost of £5 for a doner 'sandwich' is indeed excellent value but how does the kebab taste.

Indeed, Zenobia is perfectly located for anyone near the bridges, the former MacDoners (well named but not a great doner!) is in such a busy thoroughfare, everyone that's ever been to Edinburgh is likely to have passed it at some point.

My first impressions are that the sandwich itself is quite small and the doner carvings do look quite pale and bland. This would normally be quite off-putting but remembering the price of this doner, I thought that there was very little to be expected.

The lift is tremendous - the kebab is marvellously constructed if quite oddly filled. The meat seems to take up two thirds of the sandwich itself whereas the salad, whilst delightful, with the addition of carrots, coriander, red lettuce and various other mixed herbs, is far too plentiful and it results in an uncommon crunch, something not normally associated with doner.

...gives a good solid burn and with the creamy sauce...

You would be forgiven for thinking that the sauces are absent in this doner, there seems be very little to show for them, however, when you take a bite, a pink creamy sauce oozed from the bottom as well as an oil-based green sauce (special requests allow for a double helping of this magical substance) that really gives a good solid burn and with the creamy sauce, it satisfyingly scratches an itch.

The doner within is unlike any other doner I've had before - the texture is reasonable and in some ways tastes like turkey (it;s lamb though, according to the menu at least). The seasoning of it though, it has an uncommon savoury cheese taste to it, making it amongst the most distinctive doner meat in this city. It wouldn't surprise me if there was a powdered cheese style ingredient specially seasoned to give that doner it's cheesy kick.

The bread is an Arabic khobz  bread; holds together very well and no sauce would ever seep through it but some with sensitive teeth might find it a bit hard to eat through.

The size of this sandwich is also quite small, not terrible at this price point, however, every time I don, I expect to be pretty filled up, regardless of the price - I was not as satisfied as I could have been and I would quite happily pay a little extra for a bigger sandwich - an option not advertised at the time.

It's all over. The fat lady has sung. All too soon, this doner was probably taken care of in a matter of a few minutes. Whilst I was really hungry, I can't help but feel that many who walk through those black painted, glass-fronted doors are probably going to leave this place unsatisfied, mainly due to portion size rather than the quality of food though.

Verdict: 7/10

Small Doner Kebab, Turkish Doner Inn, Edinburgh.

Offering: Small Doner Kebab

Establishment: Turkish Doner Inn, Edinburgh

Date and time:  10th of November 2016, 17:30

Price: £6

Seating: 2 small seats at one table


1975 would go on to be known for a lot of things - the first episode of Fawlty Towers; the release of Queen's, Bohemian Rhapsody; the year Margaret Thatcher defeated Edward Heath in the Conservative Party leadership election. All of these events pale in comparison though to the introduction of the doner kebab to Scotland.

The Turkish Doner Inn (I am told by the thick-moustachioed, burly man behind the fluorescent display) was the first place in Scotland to offer the delights of doner on these cold streets. The place is not much to look at but there is a curious and strange sense of historical significance, a bit like hearing your child's first word but more momentous.

This kebab is sadly quite small and to pay a price of £6 for something so dinky seems a bit unfortunate but then again, it costs a fair bit off the £20 for entry into Edinburgh Castle and having a kebab here is of considerably greater historical value. Nearby, there are a multitude of places to enjoy a delightful kebab - Pasha or Three Coins (expect a review soon) that offer a large kebab at the price of the small shown above.

Upon the lift, the bread falls apart like a kebab virgin being introduced to the mighty doner for the first time in their life, minus the delight...

Another notable aspect of this kebab, for me was that the salad was not all that colourful; it's not the end of the world though as upon first contact, our hero is greeted by a smooth, sweet chilli sauce combined with a tangy salad brother. The best way to describe this chilli would be to think of Tangy Toms in liquid form, particularly when you reach the end of the packet and you have all the overly flavoured crumbs at the bottom.

The meat itself is reasonable, it's nothing to write home about but it is indeed delightful enough in its own way. It is by no means plentiful though, this is most unfortunate as the chilli sauce really dances samba with those slithers of lamb.

The pita bread is soft; it therefore has very little in the way of sturdiness. Upon the lift, the bread falls apart like a kebab virgin being introduced to the mighty doner for the first time in their life, minus the delight. The only time I find the pita falling apart to be a good sign is when the doner itself is so plentiful that the pita can't contain its joy at being one with you, this is not the case here though - the meat quantity is not what I have come to expect from a £6 entrance fee.

Overall, this kebab was decent, not great. The chilli sauce has been an unchanged recipe for the last 40 years or so and with good reason, that sauce really shines on the lamb but the offering itself is a little stingy. I would take people here in order to enjoy the historical importance, to show my grand-children what their ancestors had to see, every other time though, I might just bomb it to Pasha.

Verdict: 6/10

Regular Doner Kebab, Pasha Takeaway, Edinburgh.

Offering: Regular Doner Kebab

Establishment: Pasha Takeaway, Edinburgh

Date and time:  5th November 2016, 18:05

Price: £5

Seating: Around 8 pleasant high-rise stools


There used to be a Pasha (now Che's) opposite Cappadocia on Forrest Road. In my adolescence, I used to frequent The Egg at the Wee Red Bar and the contrast between revelers visiting the then Pasha and Cappadocia was stark; Pasha was often quieter. I'm not entirely sure whether the owner's of this takeaway, just off Lothian Road and the old takeaway on Forrest Road are the same but if they are, I really missed a trick in my Egg days.

Something great happened to me tonight. Tonight, I eat part of the bab with a fork (as usual) and then when it was safe enough, I lifted the doner kebab up and eat it like a sandwich. This was a fairy decent, strong, at times crispy pita bread. I never once looked like it was going to fall apart due to the kebab meat or absurd lashings of chilli sauce. It held itself together like a German.

...the chilli sauce, whilst very mild it did have some character...

One thing I'm not always tremendously keen on (I'm pernickety) is the salad being placed on the side of a kebab. It should really always be within the kebab unless there is an accompanying side salad, that was not the case tonight though (as you can see above). Tonight I had a pretty heavy-mayonnaise based garlic sauce that was delicious but some may have found it a bit too dominant. The chilli sauce, whilst very mild it did have some character, it sang lower notes for flavour but it added a sweet saltiness to the overall experience.

The doner meat itself was a nice lamb base, tasted very pure to me, as if there was very little in the way of bulking agent, if anything at all.

At £5, this kebab was excellent, Pasha can really be proud of the produce they dish out here. There are a few things I would change like the salad placing and I would probably give away a handful of chips with the kebab too but lets face, we're splitting hairs here.

Verdict: 8/10

Doner; Reclaiming Our Heritage From The Elite.

Around 40 years ago, if you wanted to eat a quick healthy meal after a hard days graft, you only had the choice of the local chip shop establishment at best, or if you were particularly poor, a packet of Golden Wonder would have to suffice. That was until a new exotic food from the continent started appearing on side streets and main thoroughfares; Scotland, the UK and the rest of the world had changed forever.

It was around this time that analysts noted the stark contrasts in the British socio-political landscape, such striking differences that still reverberate to this day. Indeed it would be the late 1970's when Margaret Thatcher would be appointed Prime Minister and the first notes of punk-rock had been playing in underground nightclubs in what seemed like urban wastelands, shattering all preconceived notions of what popular music could be.

Some 15 Years earlier, the Americans relentlessly raced the Russians to the moon and when Neil Armstrong symbolically first step foot on the reflective surface of that world, he was underwhelmed that he didn't find what he was looking for.

For thousands of years, books had been written; schools of thought had formed; entire civilisations had emerged, perished and re-emerged. The greatest thinkers of all time were about to be humbled: Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, Zlatan. A momentous occasion was upon us!

Soon the day would come. Soon the day would come when a meal so delightful in it's presentation, so exquisite in its posture. So ergonomically advanced and ahead of it's time, boasting a mere 1100 calories...  Soon the day would dawn.

What Armstrong was looking for had been happening for centuries in the Middle East. I have no idea why he went to the moon. Neither did he.

Like the Whirling Dervish, the food known to rotate on a spit was almost upon us - it's rough textured slithers of only the choicest quality, cut to perfection by the only the most qualified artisan, complete with chef's hat, charming apron, preferably a thick moustache and non-native English speaking accent.

...overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment...

One incredibly fateful day, it was as if the birth of a new nation had taken place. A people united only by a shared desire of what culinary perfection could be. An unstoppable desire, a zeitgeist unlike any before it, a true moment of wonder was upon us!


As the slithers of delightful joy tumbled on the pitta, dancing on the bread like heavens children or the notes of a harp, a moment previously unimaginable had just taken place. When it rained a mysterious red along with the greenery one would only have seen in exotic gardens, topped up and presented to our subjects, the looks of amazement and euphoria were unquestionable.

Neil Armstrong finally found what he was looking for.

Golden Wonder would one day catch up, but it was too late. For by then the providential impact of the Turkish community on Scotland and the UK could never be reversed. The edible champion had successfully orchestrated what would go on to be considered one of the biggest, most relentless coup d'etats of all time.

There were suggestions...campaigns; demonstrations even!! This is where true power lies. This magnificent foodstuff must replace the face of the Queen on British currency. It was as if overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment like...well, like the artisan chef himself.

The Doner Kebab had finally arrived in the UK.