Around 40 years ago, if you wanted to eat a quick healthy meal after a hard days graft, you only had the choice of the local chip shop establishment at best, or if you were particularly poor, a packet of Golden Wonder would have to suffice. That was until a new exotic food from the continent started appearing on side streets and main thoroughfares; Scotland, the UK and the rest of the world had changed forever.
It was around this time that analysts noted the stark contrasts in the British socio-political landscape, such striking differences that still reverberate to this day. Indeed it would be the late 1970's when Margaret Thatcher would be appointed Prime Minister and the first notes of punk-rock had been playing in underground nightclubs in what seemed like urban wastelands, shattering all preconceived notions of what popular music could be.
Some 15 Years earlier, the Americans relentlessly raced the Russians to the moon and when Neil Armstrong symbolically first step foot on the reflective surface of that world, he was underwhelmed that he didn't find what he was looking for.
For thousands of years, books had been written; schools of thought had formed; entire civilisations had emerged, perished and re-emerged. The greatest thinkers of all time were about to be humbled: Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, Zlatan. A momentous occasion was upon us!
Soon the day would come. Soon the day would come when a meal so delightful in it's presentation, so exquisite in its posture. So ergonomically advanced and ahead of it's time, boasting a mere 1100 calories... Soon the day would dawn.
What Armstrong was looking for had been happening for centuries in the Middle East. I have no idea why he went to the moon. Neither did he.
Like the Whirling Dervish, the food known to rotate on a spit was almost upon us - it's rough textured slithers of only the choicest quality, cut to perfection by the only the most qualified artisan, complete with chef's hat, charming apron, preferably a thick moustache and non-native English speaking accent.
...overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment...
One incredibly fateful day, it was as if the birth of a new nation had taken place. A people united only by a shared desire of what culinary perfection could be. An unstoppable desire, a zeitgeist unlike any before it, a true moment of wonder was upon us!
As the slithers of delightful joy tumbled on the pitta, dancing on the bread like heavens children or the notes of a harp, a moment previously unimaginable had just taken place. When it rained a mysterious red along with the greenery one would only have seen in exotic gardens, topped up and presented to our subjects, the looks of amazement and euphoria were unquestionable.
Neil Armstrong finally found what he was looking for.
Golden Wonder would one day catch up, but it was too late. For by then the providential impact of the Turkish community on Scotland and the UK could never be reversed. The edible champion had successfully orchestrated what would go on to be considered one of the biggest, most relentless coup d'etats of all time.
There were suggestions...campaigns; demonstrations even!! This is where true power lies. This magnificent foodstuff must replace the face of the Queen on British currency. It was as if overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment like...well, like the artisan chef himself.
The Doner Kebab had finally arrived in the UK.
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