Large Doner Kebab, The Best Kebab House, Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Best Kebab House, Leith

Date and time:  various times over 2017

Price: £6.50

Seating: 3 high rise chairs

Over the years many working-class areas the length and breadth of the country have become home to certain kind of urbanite, providing of course that area had more than a bookie and a pub. What’s more, these areas are usually not as homogenous as the more exclusive parts of the city; oftentimes, containing a variety of people of different creeds and colours making up this melting pot reflecting in the diversity of choice available for shoppers and kebab conquerors alike. Leith is one such area. Gentrified almost beyond recognition, in Leith Walk it was common place to see drunken, obnoxious good-time boys on the first day of British Summertime proclaiming their own greatness with gleeful gusto and rank self-awareness; the rancid junkie in his casual stupor or indeed a charming character, ‘Buzz' known for his transcendental aerosol gas intake, who would make friends with any of the aforementioned with the ease and similar objective of a Salamander Street operative extracting coin from said inebriate.

Whilst these inhabitants still exist in Leith today, there has been a rapid intake of the English hipster crowd, accelerated though perhaps not sparked by the emergence of student flats for Edinburgh University residents in the Shrub Hill area of Leith Walk. It is now more common to see sheepskin coats, thick rimmed glasses with Apple laptops in hand than Buzz or his sympathisers exiting one of the nearby pubs. Slowly but surely, the historical characters have either died off or moved further towards the Foot of the Walk to nearby Junction Street where pubs are still cheap and stabbings unreported.

One thing that’s not changed over the decades though is that Best Kebab House is still regarded as a Leith institution. We’ve previously spoken about the bad blood that once existed between them and the owners of Original Best Kebab House and sadly, after much controversy, the OBKH lost its operating license due to a number of violations though mainly thanks to operating after 1AM – a practice it was not entitled to. It’s a shame really. The chilli sauce was in a different league – it genuinely lived up to its name whereas the more common establishments serve a glamorised tomato ketchup.

The meat, with its smoother spaced touch gives the impression of being slightly cheaper than the OBKH fare and thus less chewy, it also doesn't taste tremendously well seasoned.

Some years ago, before the conflict, Best Kebab House used to operate from the now defunct Express Best Kebab (or something, God knows what it was called but it lasted around two months and was quite frankly sub-par) and previously OBKH. Back when it was a united entity, it truly was the best kebab in Leith. Utterly unrivaled on this end of Princes' Street, the closest kebab by proximity was Leith Walk Kebab and Pizza House across the road from Pilrig Street, once adorned with Coca Cola signs and unquestionably not worth the effort. At Elm Row, there is a place that's had more names than Buzz has had aerosol cans, it was half decent when it was known as Chillies though for the last ten or so years it's been known as Olympos.

The Best Kebab House of 2005 was the pinnacle of doner achievement in Edinburgh. The sauce was identical to OBKH, the famous potatoes had the most delicious thick coating, one would forget chips existed. Best Kebab House in 2017, whilst not living up to those lofty standards - the product still packs punch. The chilli sauce, though delightfully textured tastes more common, quite sweet and has a runny viscosity, it is still a handy companion to curly doner slithers. The meat, with its smoother spaced touch gives the impression of being slightly cheaper than the OBKH fare and thus less chewy, it also doesn't taste tremendously well seasoned.

With prevalent red lettuce and the timeless salad sauce, the kebab does a lot of things right. The pita bread, despite being unremarkable is sturdy and carries its contents proud. The accompanying tatties are still a draw, with salad sauce and pickled cabbage they are a devourer's delight however they're a shadow of themselves. Previously, the coating of the most delectable fried chicken had been sealed upon a roast potato whereas now, its as if some of the batter from lesser chicken once shared a tray with the potato. The kebabbery is such a clean place and the seating area, whilst small is spotless, I often have no problems parking myself here for 15 or so minutes though at times, it can be busy and you might be tempted by the fried chicken across the road.    

Despite the changes in Leith Walk, despite the change in ownership of Best Kebab House, its new recipes and its ever changing clientele - I can't blame the hipsters for diminishing the quality of the beloved kebab sold here. It's still worth a visit, serves a mean doner and with an original side dish that you simply won't get elsewhere in Edinburgh. Whilst the hipsters might have chased away the beloved Arthur Willaims, who was rumoured to be alienated by the hummus in the chilled aisles of Scotmid, it would seem that Best Kebab House will always remain in some form or another.

Verdict: 7/10

 

An offer worth pondering...

If like me, your interest in doner kebabs and all of its various interpretations is of paramount interest and if you are in or around Edinburgh City Centre, perhaps with a friend, the following promotion may be of interest to you:

The image is from Pizza Paradise (George IV Bridge). This is, in my opinion a pretty respectable though not incredible kebab establishment. It also means that you can have a kebab for breakfast, lunch and dinner, on the cheap - this is can only be a good thing. I recommend you all try this at least thrice and I look forward to hearing about your ridiculous doner frolics in the near future.

Large Doner Kebab, Cafe Piccante (London Road), Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Café Piccante, London Road, Edinburgh

Date and time: 17th December 2016 23:29

Price: £7.50

Seating: 3 chairs, 1 window length table

In the East of the city, towards the London Road area, there is a wealth of kebaberies to choose from. One particularly well known feast for the eyes is the legendary operation known as Cafe Piccante. This eatery made its name by being the first kebab zone to offer a chocolate pizza, a live DJ complete with bab-orientated set list and a mean looking bouncer that's ready to eject any of the underfed jakey's that can't handle digesting the chilli sauce. Of course, this Cafe Piccante is the one situated in Broughton Street - next to the hustle and bustle of the Capital's gay-friendly nightspots.

The London Road branch is sobering in comparison. With the DJ long hung, the bouncer (almost) not required and pizza's strictly savoury - other than that, the London Road Cafe Piccante offers an identical product to its more popular big brother. Operating from the former style-over-substance racket that was Picasso; Piccante doesn't really add much to the competing (and somewhat strictly average) babberies of this part of town.

The first thing worth noting is that there Piccante certainly want you to taste the spice and they do this by adding a few sliced jalapenos as part of their salad offering. This is a nice touch and I feel as though all doners should come with this enticing yet mild pepper (or at least something similar). It is the perfect accompaniment to any kebab, even if you like your kebabs creamy rather than spicy as they offer a succulent crunch as part of the overall experience.

...stop making your chilli sauces too sweet - they are called 'chilli' for a reason...

The cuts of the tomato are exactly how tomatoes should be cut for a kebab: quarter pieces to assist with the grandiloquent lift of the pita sandwich. Unfortunately, many eateries continue to insist that tomatoes must be sliced and stuffed into the pita, with no thought as to how a poor connoisseur must ravish such an already deconstructed sorry looking kebab. As a whole though, the salad is well thought out and is generally near the standard of how a doner salad should be, perhaps only lacking any red cabbage.

Sadly, with this kebab, its all downhill from here - the chilli sauce is sweet and adds little to nothing to this bab-nasty exercise. Calling all kebab shops - stop making your chilli sauces too sweet - they are called 'chilli' for a reason. They are not called sweet sauces. Emphasis should be given to creating a sauce that has bite, not a sauce that has sugar.

There's a slightly odd feature of the kebab that may interest some of you and it was also a feature of Turkish Carry Out kebabs too; the box is compartmentalised. If you don't like your kebabs and salads to touch then you might be in luck - for the rest of you though, I fear you may never live this down as it clearly is a slight.

The doner meat is grim and tastes like ultra processed soya morsels; it gives the whole kebab a non-distinct peppered taste with very little else to show for itself. There is no real meaty texture and it quickly becomes apparent that none of this meats imbalanced combination of ingredients concludes in a memorable meal. It feels a lot like this establishment really don't care about what they are selling when it comes to doner and care only for the people that are going to be too drunk to be discerening enough to conclude that this kebab was essentially uninspired. Like far too many places, this establishment is well placed and just outside of zone one to qualify for the prestigious 3PM opening hours, it almost certainly catches the dregs of the late night revellers that were far too pre-occupied to go to a decent kebab place when they came out of whatever hole they danced in. If you are such a person, may I recommend one of their many un-donered pizzas.

Verdict: 5/10

Large Doner Kebab, Uncle's, Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Uncle's Fish and Chips, George IV Bridge, Edinburgh

Date and time:  8th February 2017, 12:25

Price: £7.50 w/discount

Seating: 20+ comfy and spacious seats, café set up

I've been scoping this area for a number of years now and during the first few months, Uncle's Fish and Chips took over an additional unit next door and created a vast café space for itself, complete with comfy, bar-style seating. The presentation of this establishment is A+ - the pinnacle surroundings where a doner should be devoured. The problems though soon begin to show and they are not just salad deep...

Firstly, there was an odd situation communicating with the staff and trying to ascertain the suitable discount - the prices on display were for a 'shewarma wrap' but I asked for a doner kebab and was told it was more expensive than the shewarma which was priced at a respectable £5.80. In the end, with added local discount, I was a charged what seemed like a mammoth £7.50. If you ever decide to visit Marmaris during lunch hours for sitting in, you will be charged £6 - and the quantity of food served is easily a third greater. I was really shocked at the size of the kebab I received when it was placed in front of me - the main plate in Marmaris is easily the same size as the plate above but Uncle's is barely full, Marmaris almost entirely fills the plate and serves the pita bread separately! 

Having to suffer what seemed like a ridiculous fifteen minute wait and whilst there were people getting their take-aways, I was the sole person in the café area. This was easily the longest I have ever had to wait for a doner kebab.

...the yogurt sauce was thick and creamy, a bit of a highlight in an otherwise grim affair. The chilli was seriously forgettable...

Another bone of contention was that previously, I sent a spy to this establishment to report back with findings - I was told of beautiful things but mainly that chips would be served with my kebab. Looking back, there were no chips. They would have been warmly welcomed on such a naked plate too, particularly after the £7.50 anal expansion that I suffered as a result of sampling this 'fun-sized' mistake.

The meat was cut super thin and it felt very much like it was cut so thin on purpose so to give the impression that the kebab was bigger than it was but this kebab probably had the meat quantity of the legendary Lazeez (possibly even less), bearing in mind that they charge £4.95 and you can still plonk yer arse down on one of their many uncomfortable seats. Another thing worth noting is that the image shows absolutely zero meat actually inside the pita bread - all the meat you see is all you get and cut so thin like wood shavings, this is easily the stingiest doner I've ever had. The meat quality was reasonable though, in fact pretty decent, it was considerably better than your standard fare.

The sauces were fairly average, the yogurt sauce was thick and creamy, a bit of a highlight in an otherwise grim affair. The chilli was seriously forgettable. Other than the texture, the flavour and heat level was lacking and dull. Another interesting note was that I had to specifically ask for the chilli sauce; I only received the yogurt sauce initially and this was certainly a first as everyone and their Nan(n) knows that you would always get offered the chilli sauce over anything else when kebabbin' hard.

Whilst this kebab is photogenic, central and served in possibly the nicest environment in which you can eat a doner kebab in Edinburgh, the content and price point doesn't allow me to recommend it to anyone. Without a discount, this kebab must cost a shade below £10 and that's just horrendous! If you ever do come to Uncles, don't come for a kebab, but lets face it, what else you are you going to order? This kebab was aw fur coat and nae knickers.

Verdict: 4/10

Bifteki House, Howard Street, Glasgow

Offering: Doner Kebab

Establishment: Bifteki House, Glasgow

Date and time:  14th March 2017, 13:26

Price: £4.80

Seating: 6 Seats, very small ledge table

In  the early spring of this year, the Doner Informer visited our beloved cousins in the west, the objective was plain and simple - sample the finest doner magic available in Scotland's so-called 

"friendliest city". Instead, we came across Bifteki - located a stones throw away from the handy Glasgow Central Station - I'm very much glad the city planners were visionary enough to build the railway so near the doner heartland.

On this landmark visit, I was accompanied by three colleagues who failed to appreciate the kind offerings by the very delightfully mannered Turkish chap running the operation and they abruptly left to visit some sort of overpriced burger bar with the suggestion that we would reconvene later.

The man behind the counter was a true joy, who knew that he was dealing with a man trained in the (sometimes) dark arts of doner critiquing and attempted (but failed) to bribe me with a small slithered sample of doner overtures before the main event! It was around then that I lectured the chap that my integrity could not be bought and sold. I was also suspecting that he had mercenaries following me, probably from as far away as Edinburgh. My fears were alleviated when the gentleman appeared confused yet unmoved by the vocal rejection of his bribe. It was around then that I realised that this chap was genuinely just trying to be friendly and offering a decent customer service.

...the chilli sauce was so sweet that it could have been diluted and sold as a chilli juice drink, so sickly was this sauce...

When the kebab arrived, I decided to take a seat on one of the uncomfortable high seats facing the wall at a small table - this wasn't the ideal environment but I was well aware that many of the finest doner institutions in Scotland don't even offer this privilege.

The kebab was presented with the accompanying plastic fork was dipped into the red, almost orange looking spicy sauce. It was sweet. In fact, the chilli sauce was so sweet that it could have been diluted and sold as a chilli juice drink, so sickly was this sauce. This was perhaps the sweetest sauce I'd ever sampled in a doner kebab and it was no good thing. I'm well aware that chilli sauces in kebabs should really not have a bitter taste to them, in order to maximise that chilli bite - its important that some sweetness must be used to give it that glorious bite we all know and love. One of the greatest errors that doner establishments make though (this is up there with making a sauce with no heat) is churning out a sauce that is not chilli at all but just sugar. If you were drinking a can of Irn Bru with this kebab, you would be giving yourself your allocated sugar serving as an adult for about a week. Not only this but this does not serve the kebab well at all.

There was no accompanying salad sauce, this establishment either doesn't serve it or it was finished when I visited. They did have a yoghurt sauce though but I declined on the basis that it would have attacked the spiciness that I intended (but failed) to taste in the chilli sauce.

The meat was really nothing to write home about (but here I am). It was seriously standard fare with very little distinctive features - you would be able to get this kebab from any city in the UK (perhaps minus the chilli diluting syrup).

Overall, Bifteki House is not a great kebab place - its an OK kebab place with very little to offer in a presumably competitive market in Glasgow. This operation, I suspect receives the crux of its custom from lesser discerning nearby construction workers and area drunks. The price point of this kebab is very good as the quantity was somewhat favourable, the product on offer though less so. I now look forward to the £2.50 doner kebab my father has been singing hymns about after his recently concluded Doner Tour of Scotland, sponsored by Homebase.

Verdict: 6/10

Battle of the Babs - Javits v Javits (v Javits)

Offering: Doner Kebab

Establishment: Javits (Gilmerton), Edinburgh (JGil)

Date and time:  10th March 2017, 16:27

Price: £6.50

Seating: No seats!

Offering: Doner Kebab Wrap

Establishment: Javits (Granton), Edinburgh (JGra)

Date and time: 12th March 2017, 17:08

Price: £7.00

Seating: Over 10 seats and 5 tables

For years now, I've heard the considerable fanfare behind the much acclaimed Javits eateries - their kebabs have been critically acclaimed by various media outlets as well as the kebab experts. There also appears to be a difference in the product being offered at these takeaways - in 2016 JGra was nominated in the Kebab Awards whereas in 2017, JGil received this particular accolade. This has lead me to consider that both of these establishments are perhaps serving a different product. I have however observed that they are indeed owned by the same person as one of the links above would clarify. One notable annoyance of these establishments, like the many all over the country is that they both open 4PM onwards - this doesn't make for the most convenient of reviews - adding to this is their distance from Edinburgh City Centre, however I do concede that both these are well catered for by the buses.


When I got off the number 29 bus at Gilmerton, I almost had a heart attack - from the outside, it looked as though my fears had been confirmed - there was not going to be a place in this eatery where I could sit and analyse this doner specimen. When I entered, I had feelings of doubt - I should jump back on a bus and just forget I ever tried Javits, it couldn't possibly be that great anyway, considering how far out of town it was. I spoke to the artisan's assistant, asking him if he would have a small chair whereby I could park myself and thus penetrate this kebab with the thrusting energy of a hundred hyenas feasting on a blue whale. Again, I was left disappointed but there was a solution, albeit a compromise - it was suggested that I use the chest-height counter as an analysis point to which I gladly complied as the photos above demonstrate. The lack of seating and distance from the city centre might put a doner seeker off, however if one perseveres in this case the toil is sure to pay off.

If anything, it is maybe only slightly disappointing that there is no whopping great big pickled chilli pepper on top - like the angel on a Christmas Tree.

Javits know what salad to serve with a kebab! There are no unnecessary cucumbers, the lettuce is finely cut, red cabbage too (it really is shocking when there's no red cabbage in a doner!) and thinly sliced onions. If anything, it is maybe only slightly disappointing that there is no whopping great big pickled chilli pepper on top - like the angel on a Christmas Tree.

I did ask for double helpings of chilli sauce and the chap behind the counter, Danny said that I'd love his sauce; usually I take such declarations with a pinch of salt but in earnest, this sauce was truly magic! Unlike any other chilli sauce I'd sampled before, the burn lies in the strong kick of ginger one feels as a latter after note. It has a thick, vegetable textured consistency, in common with the likes of Original Best Kebab House and Pasha -  but there's been no sauce that's really come close to have such a distinctive taste in Edinburgh, it really stands on its own and its a sauce that everyone needs to try, up there with the OBK sauce but for slightly different reasons.

The salad sauce was a more straight forward affair as usual. It was the tangy light brown common companions to those beastly meaty slithers.

The doner meat was one of the few doners I've tried where I instantly knew that it was seriously high quality. Most kebabs, even though they might be a solid 9, their meat takes an unremitting 40 second taste analysis; not the case with this - the quality hits you instantly and almost unlike any other bab I'd had before. There's a really chewy texture to these slices, not entirely different to Topkapi but a thinner cut and, I'd say higher quality - there's also considerably more meat content in this kebab than pretty much most kebabs I've reviewed at this point, barring the Madras Cottage madness.

The tremendous displays of meaty shish cubes - the meat looked like one of the finest displays I'd ever witnessed in a babbery and put many others to shame.

The pita bread was probably the only thing that let this kebab down - it was hard, tough and felt as though it had been partially left out overnight. I came to conclude that this would likely have been the case because I was probably the first person of the day to have ordered a kebab -it's an experience I'm well acquainted with. I find it hard to believe that staff here would be unable to prepare a pita bread as a general standard and for that reason, I am going to disregard the dodgy pita on this occasion but if it was to happen consistently, I will update this review but I hope that such a thing is unlikely.

On the subject of staff, this place has without doubt, the nicest staff in any Edinburgh kebab shop I've ever visited. Whilst I was tearing deep into this bab, one of the kind staff members dumped a few more chunks of their delicious doner on my kebab -this has never happened to me and it gave me the impression that these guys really care about how they treat their customers - not many people really say that about Marmaris on South Clerk Street for example. The staff even went on to introduce themselves to me and asked me my name too; don't worry though, my pseudonym was not discussed. The staff were also really humble and didn't have the bravado of a place that had been nominated for the British Kebab Awards; the chap from OBK could really learn a lot from these guys. They also gave me free reign of their chilli sauce too, that was great and it reminded me of when I was charged for extra sauce by the guy from OBK.

Whilst I was satisfying my appetite for doner, I witnessed a fellow on first name terms with the staff buying a doner wrap. It was probably close to twice the size of the OBK wrap offering. I observed how the wrap bread was cooked from scratch and placed in a 12-inch pizza tray, covering it in entirety. I also witnessed in abhorrence how the customer then requested brown sauce on his kebab - what a disgusting man! It was at that point I decided that when I returned, I would most certainly be enjoying a Javit wrap. It's beautifully designed architecture, so divine to the eye - I decided then that in the coming days, I would visit the sister babbery in Granton - I would have to wait two days before I could rekindle my deepest desires for kebab perfection.

I took the number 19 out to Granton, it took around 45 minutes on a crisp Sunday and when I got there, the place was a hive of activity - these guys were doing great business. There were around eight members of staff behind the various counters and there were customers waiting in the seated area of the takeaway. The takeaway itself, from the outside looks exceptional; there's a hint of 1950's America with it's big chrome thick-set signage, huge glass panel windows displaying a café style liveliness you don't get in many babberies outwith the rush at 02:45 when the revellers are starting to deplete. Everything about this place is shiny, it's clearly a very tightly run operation.

...served looking very much looking like the phallic beast of Gilmerton two days prior.

Observing the displays, the meat fillets did not look as wholesome as those on display at JGil, they looked considerably less impressive and you could tell instantly that the meat being used for the shish kebabs was not as high a quality as the meat in JGil. It reminded me of the chefs words in JGil - he said how he always purchased the highest end meat being sold by his supplier. He also told me that his doner meat was not made in-house but supplied from Glasgow and at great cost - he would always ask for the most expensive rotation and all this is apparent when one looks at the display offerings in many other babberies around the country.

When I ordered, I noticed that the Granton eatery was generally 50 pence cheaper on most things - I assumed I was getting a slight bargain. Again, the same procedure as JGil seemed to be taking place: the wrap was made from scratch; placed in the oven in a 12-inch pizza pan; topped up to complete capacity with mammoth helpings of doner sustenance; topped again with the finest salad in the kebab family; lathered at immense volume with red chilli sauce with a slighter helping of a tangy sister salad sauce; wrapped tight with it's content seeping through the thin bread base but not enough to destruct this architectural marvel and wrapped in two layers of paper and served looking very much looking like the phallic beast of Gilmerton two days prior.

As I sat down on one of the plentiful chairs I gazed in supreme delight at the monument before me - this was going to be great! I bit into the top of the kebab slowly due to the delicate nature of the operation and I was slightly underwhelmed - this was not the same product being sold in JGil. The meat was good but it never had the textural quality of it's sister operation; the chilli sauce was quite unremarkable - though it had nice chunks of vegetables within, it never had that ginger kick that made JGil such a force to be reckoned with. As I started to slowly unpack the wrap, the kebab was still keeping itself together but mainly due to my experience in handling such foodstuffs - the sauces were getting everywhere though. As I polished it off, I was aware that I had eaten a pretty decent kebab, it was gigantic, it was also quite well priced but I couldn't help but feel it was generally unremarkable. Perhaps if I had tried JGra first, I might have a had a different opinion but I fear I may not have bothered to venture out to JGil if I had. One thing was for certain though - I was not going to eat another morsel that day whatsoever.

There's a disparity that can't be ignored. As far as I'm concerned, when doner in considered, JGil with it's understated and humble exterior outfoxes JGra in almost every way - all it needs is a table and two seats. Now, if only I never realised that there is also a Javits in Wester Hailes, seemingly paying tribute to Team Fortress 2.

Verdict:

Javits of Gilmerton - 9/10

 

Javits of Granton - 7/10

Large Doner Kebab, Ali Baba Kebabs, Dalry Road

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Ali Baba Kebabs, Edinburgh

Date and time: 26th February 2017, 16:27

Price: £5.50

Seating: Around 7 seats and 2 tables


After the many accolades it received in the British Kebab Awards of 2017, I decided it was time to revisit Ali Baba Kebabs. That's right, this wasn't my first time walking through that wooden interior - I had been there a some years ago when I was working at nights in Corstorphine. It was around that time I also took my first trip to Lazeez, in fact, these visits were likely made days apart. My memory of the first trip was that the staff member - a Middle-Eastern man was incredibly friendly and personable. The Kebab at the time was pretty good but not exceptional but I ended up eating at Lazeez a lot more due to its general comparative quality.

Not much has changed in Ali Baba Kebabs; the quaint decor is still there, the Middle Eastern man still serves various food-stuffs from what seems like such a small takeaway but most of all, the quality on offer at this eatery is still fairly good too.When I asked for a large kebab, the sum of £5.50 seemed a little overboard for the container it was served in, however all fears were allayed when I opened the kebab sitting at it the seats of this joint. It was a sufficiently packed pita with all of the fine salad offerings one would come to expect from a doner. One thing I tend to avoid when going bab-deep is the insistence of cucumbers in a doner; they just don't add anything to the whole experience in my opinion. In a tuna sandwich, I would happily eat cucumbers but pretty much in any other circumstance, other than in raita sauces, cucumber just seems like a waste of time.

...that sauce tasted almost exactly like the chilli sauce you find in frozen doner kebabs...

First impressions of the chilli sauce is that it has a really smooth texture - not the thick, lumpy cut up vegetable textured stuff that usually signals the best of kebab chilli sauces. When I combined a cut of the meat with the salad, the first thing that hit me was the fact that sauce tasted almost exactly like the chilli sauce you find in frozen doner kebabs that you might get in Iceland - that's not too bad a thing though, in fact, I really liked and found it somewhat charming but I felt it was a tad sweet and not really that hot. There's also a nice tangy salad dressing, the typical creamy brown type that you might be accustomed to at times like these. The meat was really decent too - perhaps better than the likes of  Pasha but Pasha does seem to have a more consistent product in many ways. The meat tasted really satisfying though and there's something quite distinct about this kebab that you don't find in many kebabs in Edinburgh - I can't really put my finger on on it but suffice to say, once you have a doner here, it just scratches an itch that many other babs can't reach.

Upon the almighty lift, the pita bread holds up perfectly - it's really soft and doesn't have that toasty crisp that the Pasha pita bread had. The size of this kebab is also really good for the price; OK, it's no Madras  Cottage but when you consider that Topkapi are offering what is obviously a smaller product at £1.50 more, you find that this pretty good value. Perhaps the worst thing about Ali Baba is that Lazeez is around 5 minutes walk away and whilst it doesn't charge too much for its offering, the size difference is considerably noticeable - Ali Baba gives a far bigger bab but the kebab in Lazeez is tastier.

Are you visiting from a nearby town and hoping to pop on the train? That's where Ali Baba really shines. Picture yourself with ten minutes to go before your train is due, a mere stones throw away from Haymarket train station - you can run for a large kebab with all the trimmings and be a mere one minute late for the last train home, but it doesn't matter - you've got a large Ali Baba doner to keep you warm throughout the night and you can't get that at Waverly Station!

Verdict: 7/10

Doner Kebab, Pizza Paradise (George IV Bridge), Edinburgh

Offering: Doner Kebab

Establishment: Pizza Paradise, Edinburgh (George IV Bridge)

Date and time: 24th January 2017, 16:23

Price: £4.90 (Concessions)

Seating: Over 15 seats

For quite a considerable time, in 2013 I would visit Pizza Paradise during my then 20 minute lunch break for a nice slice of the their delicious pizza. It was a rich affair, 6 days a week I would wire into this £1.90 lunch time treat, and if the mood was fitting I would order doubles. After some time I felt I could no longer carry on such an unhealthy obsession and by then my work circumstances had changed and suddenly I was treated like a normal human being with an hour long lunch slot. I do still go into this fine establishment but often for their reasonably priced burger and chips, and just as a treat.

In those dark days, the bespectacled football obsessed chap running the show would only serve pizza, burgers, pakoras and a few other casual treats - it wasn't until 2015 that these guys bought the real nutrition to the game. That's right, they only started to serve the rotating feast a few years ago and it resulted in the house prices in the area sky-rocketing. Grown men were bought to tears, they divorced their spouses for they had witnessed one of the greatest moments in Pizza Paradise history!

Much esteemed city mayor, Donald Wilson was the first person to tuck into Pizza Paradises pleasurable slithers of lamb in 2015.

It would be 2017 when I would get round to enjoying one of their doner offerings and may I say, it was an experience worth undertaking. When I go for a doner, one of the main attractions is usually a feisty, spicy and not overly sweet chilli sauce. There was none of that on offer today. In fact, the doner served was seriously lacking in spice. If you get upset by doner kebabs not having a hot chilli sauce then Edinburgh, let alone Pizza Paradise is not the place for you. If you can however deal with a seriously mild and creamy kebab - almost as if it was tailored to Polish tastes, the Pizza Paradise wrap (they don't do pita breads) is going to be an enjoyable practise. The creaminess of this doner is probably it's biggest characteristic so I would advise that if that's something you're not into - it's well within your right to withhold the garlic sauce. Be warned though, you might not be in for the most flavoursome orgy.

It is a small offering though it's not particularly expensive if you work nearby you can ask for a concession. At £5.50, I would be slightly disappointed but at £4.90 (the price I paid), it is an economical choice. The size would be complimented with the choice of some chips on the side, this would definitely give this kebab a higher mark - unfortunately, they would only offer an entire portion of chips and charge you full price for that portion which to me seems a bit greedy for all involved parties.

There was a salad surprise in this kebab - a sliced gherkin! This is the first time I've had a gherkin in a doner and it adds a certain revered crisp not normally associated with the doner salad family. Normally, a pickled chilli would be considered a standard accompaniment and it would be devoured with passion however the gherkin added a slightly contradictory associate. Some may find it the true fore bearer to the pickled chilli pepper but I think the gherkin would have worked better in a spicy kebab and not one so mild. It was however still a pleasing and rare addition and I'm glad that there are establishments thinking outside the box, albeit ever so slightly.

This kebab is slightly smaller that the offering in Zenobia. It is also quite comparable in quality, from the bread to the meat. The meat tasted almost identical to Zenobia, save for the savoury cheese style seasoning. This kebab never had the oily green chilli sauce that's a main feature to the Zenobia offering either. The bread on this kebab was really nice and soft though - it was toasted but it didn't contain the crisp associated with the khobz wrap bread.

If you go into Pizza Paradise often enough, the staff do remember you and this is always a great indication of service.

When it comes down to it though, the doner in Pizza Paradise is not the finest offerings in Edinburgh. It's maybe just a bit too small for most people to be fully satisfied. It is a tasty dish though but it's underwhelming chilli might cause a riot one day.

Verdict: 6/10

 

*Please note, this Pizza Paradise is not the same as the eatery on South Bridge, that Pizza Paradise doesn't serve the quality of the GIVB establishment and, in my opinion isn't really worth visiting. 

A Curious Set of Events

At around 15:00 on the 31st of January, I received an email from a Mr. 'Dude Plenty'. This email was sent in relation to this blog and I had never known a person using this name before in any facet of my life. The email seemed to be in relation to a comment left on the 'about us' section of the blog. A message was left anonymously requesting whether a poem could be submitted to this blog. I had yet to answer this as I had been busy consulting the subtleties, intricacies and depths of a doner kebab from Pizza Paradise (stay tuned for a review).

Some time passed by and I completely forgot about this comment until I received the email from the person above. What's more alarming is that there is no way of any person finding out my email address as I have not listed it anywhere in my blog. 

The content of the email was very mysterious and odd in nature. It was short and to the point and it contained an instruction that should be followed out that day. I was told that there was going to be a message left for me outside the Scottish Poetry Library. The email went on to say that the message would be placed around the entrance of the library and it would be ready for me by 17:15 that evening. I was confused. I was perplexed. I had never received an email like this before and I really didn't know what to make of it. My first instinct was to respond and ask who they were and what that message would be. What if I was in danger? Was the man from the Turkish Doner Inn finally going to reveal the ingredients of his minty spiced onions? Was I finally going to find out what the mystery meat from Madras Cottage was?

By the time that I had noticed that I had received this email, it was already 16:00 and I would be tied up at work until 17:00. I work quite near the centre of town but I had my reservations. I decided that I would reply to this odd email and when I did, I asked who they were, what they wanted and what this message would be. As I sent the email I received a rapid response in what seemed like seconds. It wasn't the response I had hoped - the email had bounced back! Apparently, this email no longer existed. I investigated as much as I could. I was also pretty occupied with my work routine so this wasn't going to be easy and I only had around 40 minutes. I did a few searches for 'Dude Plenty' and nothing of note came up. I knew there was very little else that could be done. My adventurous side decided to take a detour from my journey home towards the bottom of the Royal Mile. I was sure to find answers there but I never knew whether I would make it on time - what if this message was only going to be there for a few minutes? What then? If I was a few minutes or even seconds out, I could have missed it all.

By the time I had got to the poetry library, it was around 17:25. I rushed down the close hoping to catch a glimpse of what had awaited me. I found nothing. It had all been an elaborate hoax. Maybe someone in the nearby flats was watching me - I had not known this sort of intrigue for a long long time. I hovered around the stairs and entrance to the library, it was closed and there was no one around. It was relatively mild compared to the the previous day and there were no winds.

I sat on the steps for a few minutes, slightly annoyed that I allowed a prank email to dictate what I did that night. I now knew what it felt like to fall for the Nigerian Prince scam although the despair of losing a little bit of my time pales into comparison to what some of those victims likely lost.

As I got up, I had a look around the close, maybe someone was watching me but all seemed relatively normal. That was until I looked on my immediate left. There was a beige folded piece of paper laying on metal stair structure - on it was written 'THE DONER INFORMER' in capital letters and in red pen. My heart skipped a beat. I opened the letter and was greeted with the following poem:

The Doner Hoose

Spicy meat’s a richt guid feed,                         

Wi pilau rice n chapatti breid.

Alas the het o’ a Ruby Murray,                                                       

Didnae syte, ma mynd did worry. 

                                                  

Aa needit bree wi rowth o’ fire.                                                      

Aboot the shaps aa did enquire. 

                                                       

Aw curries, n thon Mexican chilli,

Thai, Chinese, pepper pies fae Killie.

Samples o’ the hottest paste,

Sauces dinglin tongue post-taste. 

                                                       

Alas, wi heat o’ hell awantin,                                                               

The deils wha cook wir sairly daunten.     

                                         

But than a spied a couthie chiel,                                                         

Graftin ower a michty meal.         

                                                        

Sclicin aff some muckle collops,                                   

Than spuins o’ sauce in wappin dollops.    

                                         

A gang tae scran this muckle fare,                                                          

Wi spicy bree, as hot as dare.

The King o’ Chilli hoose saved honour,

Aa think a’ll hae kebab o’ doner.

 

Peter Findlay, Doner fain

Accompanied with the poem was a thoughtful set of translations for some of the lesser known Scots words in the poem. Obviuosly I was bewildered. Why had I been dragged out here to find this? Why could I not have just been emailed this poem? Why the Scottish Poetry Library? Who was Peter Findlay? This all reminded me of the person that left various book sculptures across the city - was I too to receive a doner kebab book sculpture? Why did Peter Findlay use the name 'Dude Plenty' on his email? Was it the same person? Had Peter Findlay been watching me as I tucked into my various doners around the city? If there was one thing I did know, it was that Peter Findlay had been keeping a close eye on the blog and knew more about me than was necessary/comfortable.