Large Doner Kebab, Marmaris, Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Marmaris Kebab House (South Clerk St.), Edinburgh

Date and time: 21st November 2016, 19:34

Price: £7.50

Seating: Over 20 simple seats

There comes a time when when despite how good the food of an establishment is, if the service received is so underwhelming, it automatically has an effect on how you perceive their doner. If you go somewhere and find that they have very little value for the customer and appear to consider the customer to be a nuisance to their day-to-day lives, you may ask yourself 'Well, how good is the doner there anyway? is it really worth having to face staff members that consider you beneath them?' - this is my experience of Marmaris Kebab House.

I don't want you to be alarmed. It's not like every person behind the counter in Marmaris threatens you with a kebab skewer as soon as you greet them but there are definitely a few issues with the attitude of the staff and they need addressing if they want to reverse the bad feeling against them. If you don't believe me, just take a look at the Trip Advisor comments where you will find various users accusing the staff of discrimination to outright violence. I no longer wish to go into too much detail about the staff as whilst my experience of them has been unsatisfactory, I have thankfully never experienced any violence.

An especially great aspect of their kebabs is the presentation. Looking at the photo above, I feel that their plate set up and accompanying sauce bowls are truly a thing of beauty. It's not always that you can say that about lamb doner either; many people I've known are turned off by the fact that the average doner kebab is hardly a feast to their inexperienced anti-kebabist eyes. It could also be argued though that those people are snobs and barely qualify as people and that they should not be allowed to vote.

The experience of pouring your sauce on the thin curved lamb slithers also adds a ceremonial sense to this occasion. The salad is very appealingly cut, in nice small pieces and all the usual suspects are present, they seem to have been lightly dressed in a lemon juice and combined with finely chopped coriander. Oh, what's this? fried potato sticks, of a previously frozen nature? Why not? I never expected to see you rear your respectable head in this neck of the woods. All this would be a masterclass in doner accompaniments had it nor been for the fact that it's just too much gimmicks and not enough doner! Taking a look at the photos and you find that salad and chips take up around two thirds to a half of the actual plate - I never asked for this!

I just wanted a large doner kebab, a nice big portion of meat, stuffed in pita bread with salad and sauce. What I got was a bleak look into the motivations of stingy kebab seller.

The chips are nothing special, they seem to just take up space and if they weren't there, they would not be sorely missed...

You can really tell the plentiful vegetable content of the chilli sauce when you begin to pour and see it land on the meat as it begins to separate into the smaller curvatures of the doner. There are also bottles of tangy salad sauce at every table in this establishment and if you're a bit strange, you can add some vinegar and so forth. Whilst the sauce adds a decent level of moistness to the meat, there isn't really a great deal of flavour - there is a tang but there is not much else at all, quite disappointing.

The chips are nothing special, they seem to just take up space and if they weren't there, they would not be sorely missed - fewer chips and more meat would be a step in the right direction. I'm not so sure I like having to fill the pita bread up with the doner and salad either, it seems like quite a task when presented like this, it will inevitably lead to a smaller filled kebab too as you will likely worry about getting it's contents on you and you will probably play it safe, just like I did - eating the rest of the meat without it's bread companion is not as satisfying.

The doner meat is good, its well seasoned and the quality can be compared to Topkapi but it still falls short of their standard. I will say though, the seasoning of the Marmaris meat is far better than Topkapi.

For all its pomp, for all it's grandiose presentation and it's plentiful seats, it's early opening hours and it's weekday lunchtime special prices, the Marmaris doner falls short for it suffers from stingy portions and sub-par sauce. To add insult to injury, I was charged more than I expected - Marmaris do not charge you the fee shown on their menu board if you choose to sit in. They don't clarify this on their menu board either; you can't help but feel a little bit stung by their staff members upon the sit-in visit. For this quantity and quality, it just isn't worth it.

Verdict: 6/10

Large Doner Kebab Sandwich, Zenobia, Edinburgh

Offering: Large Doner Kebab Sandwich

Establishment: Zenobia, Edinburgh

Date and time: 17th November 2016, 13:05

Price: £5 (concessions)

Seating: Many seats, primarily a restaurant.


Friends, I think I'm been followed. Not on this blog but indeed the real world. It would seem that my face is becoming a regular fixture in doner establishments - that would at least explain the discounts I get given randomly by familiar faces behind the counter. I'm not complaining, in fact, this is perhaps the only time I get a regular discount in any sort of establishment and I'm really grateful for it. Anytime you see the word concessions next to the price of the item, that is indicative of a delightful doner friend-ed discount, such establishments deserve your special attention for they have helped democratise the doner. They are friends of the people. The common man. 

I know what your thinking - the informer has went all posh, it was only a matter of time before the greedy bastard had his cake and eat it! May I remind you though, renting the plate cost nothing here - the cost of £5 for a doner 'sandwich' is indeed excellent value but how does the kebab taste.

Indeed, Zenobia is perfectly located for anyone near the bridges, the former MacDoners (well named but not a great doner!) is in such a busy thoroughfare, everyone that's ever been to Edinburgh is likely to have passed it at some point.

My first impressions are that the sandwich itself is quite small and the doner carvings do look quite pale and bland. This would normally be quite off-putting but remembering the price of this doner, I thought that there was very little to be expected.

The lift is tremendous - the kebab is marvellously constructed if quite oddly filled. The meat seems to take up two thirds of the sandwich itself whereas the salad, whilst delightful, with the addition of carrots, coriander, red lettuce and various other mixed herbs, is far too plentiful and it results in an uncommon crunch, something not normally associated with doner.

...gives a good solid burn and with the creamy sauce...

You would be forgiven for thinking that the sauces are absent in this doner, there seems be very little to show for them, however, when you take a bite, a pink creamy sauce oozed from the bottom as well as an oil-based green sauce (special requests allow for a double helping of this magical substance) that really gives a good solid burn and with the creamy sauce, it satisfyingly scratches an itch.

The doner within is unlike any other doner I've had before - the texture is reasonable and in some ways tastes like turkey (it;s lamb though, according to the menu at least). The seasoning of it though, it has an uncommon savoury cheese taste to it, making it amongst the most distinctive doner meat in this city. It wouldn't surprise me if there was a powdered cheese style ingredient specially seasoned to give that doner it's cheesy kick.

The bread is an Arabic khobz  bread; holds together very well and no sauce would ever seep through it but some with sensitive teeth might find it a bit hard to eat through.

The size of this sandwich is also quite small, not terrible at this price point, however, every time I don, I expect to be pretty filled up, regardless of the price - I was not as satisfied as I could have been and I would quite happily pay a little extra for a bigger sandwich - an option not advertised at the time.

It's all over. The fat lady has sung. All too soon, this doner was probably taken care of in a matter of a few minutes. Whilst I was really hungry, I can't help but feel that many who walk through those black painted, glass-fronted doors are probably going to leave this place unsatisfied, mainly due to portion size rather than the quality of food though.

Verdict: 7/10

Large Doner Kebab, Lazeez Tandoori, Edinburgh.

Offering: Large Doner Kebab

Establishment: Lazeez, Edinburgh

Date and time: 13th November 2016, 18:05

Price: £4.95

Seating: Around 10 seats


In 2010, I was working late nights at the western side of town - I never knew a thing about any doner establishments further west than Lothian Road. One autumn night that year, that was to change forever.  

This unassuming, slightly down-trodden looking takeaway caught my eye. I have a real passion for places that look quite rough on the outside and maybe even on the inside, but once you get past the shabbiness, you are greeted by people who have worked day and night to provide delicious food to people in the know (see Kebab Mahal [expect a review soon], The Sicilian Pastry Shop and Marcella.) They are usually run by salt of the earth people that have been plying their trade for decades in the same spot. There seems to be ten a penny pretentious eateries but gems like those mentioned above are really what good food's all about. And a good bab.


If kebabs were like the girl or boy you've been seeing for a while, the doner from Lazeez would be something akin to your weekend plaything; as soon as you see it, you know you want it, you'll devour it for all it's worth and you'll probably cry yourself to sleep at night when it's gone and you can't have your wicked way with it once more.

Remember the time you first had a kebab? Do you remember the feeling of satisfaction after you finished it? Do you remember how you're life changed forever? Would you like to feel that again? Go to Lazeez. Go there now.

You'd be forgiven for thinking that this place is not going to offer much, truth is though, it offers everything you might want from an Pakistani/Indian takeaway.

When I received the kebab, it was handed to me in a tight paper wrap; quite unconventional. When I took my seat, I was informed by the lady behind the counter that I should have told her I was sitting in, she would have served the kebab in a plate, no problem I said, I was happy to eat this as is.

The photo above, to me is a work of art. This is what kebabs in the UK are - they look nasty but incredible, something that would make some cower in fear and other ravish it's very spot. It's the imagery above, as well as seeing the doner on the spit that makes certain people turn their nose up at the thought of a kebab (but they'll happily eat sausages and burgers!) and what makes the other half's stomach growl in madness and desire. I am very much the latter.

The cuts of lamb* on this kebab are a thickness once only ever dreamt off. Nice thick cuts, the kind that you really enjoy swallowing in satisfaction. This kebab was definitely one of the most satisfying I've ever eaten.

...it only burst at the lower seams in grand merriment when its plentiful lamb contents could no longer be contained...

Upon the gracious lift, so stunning was the mouthful: the sauces, not remotely domineering but at the same time, just, understated yet making true impact on their subtle spiciness, not like the sugary red-coloured vegetables you get in some places but rather both youghurt and chilli were so well-balanced, so well adjusted to the texture of the lamb that it was breathtaking piece of culinary perfection; the lamb cuts, the thickness of which must have taken a long time to perfect; the pitta itself, whilst generic, it was cooked to magnificence defined - it only burst at the lower seams in grand merriment when its plentiful lamb contents could no longer be contained!

This succulent piece of doner grandeur could only have been crafted by a master artisan at the very top of their game.

As I saw myself out; my mind altered; my stomach in doner-induced ecstasy - I asked the Scottish-accented Pakistani lady whether they make the chilli sauce themselves: "Yes, did you like it?" "No..." I responded. Before adding "...it was reasonable." You have to keep them on their toes - before you know it, they're begin resting on their laurels.

Verdict: 9/10  

 

*After a further visit, I was informed by this establishment that the meat they use for their doner is in fact a mixture of lamb and beef.

Regular Doner Kebab, Pasha Takeaway, Edinburgh.

Offering: Regular Doner Kebab

Establishment: Pasha Takeaway, Edinburgh

Date and time:  5th November 2016, 18:05

Price: £5

Seating: Around 8 pleasant high-rise stools


There used to be a Pasha (now Che's) opposite Cappadocia on Forrest Road. In my adolescence, I used to frequent The Egg at the Wee Red Bar and the contrast between revelers visiting the then Pasha and Cappadocia was stark; Pasha was often quieter. I'm not entirely sure whether the owner's of this takeaway, just off Lothian Road and the old takeaway on Forrest Road are the same but if they are, I really missed a trick in my Egg days.

Something great happened to me tonight. Tonight, I eat part of the bab with a fork (as usual) and then when it was safe enough, I lifted the doner kebab up and eat it like a sandwich. This was a fairy decent, strong, at times crispy pita bread. I never once looked like it was going to fall apart due to the kebab meat or absurd lashings of chilli sauce. It held itself together like a German.

...the chilli sauce, whilst very mild it did have some character...

One thing I'm not always tremendously keen on (I'm pernickety) is the salad being placed on the side of a kebab. It should really always be within the kebab unless there is an accompanying side salad, that was not the case tonight though (as you can see above). Tonight I had a pretty heavy-mayonnaise based garlic sauce that was delicious but some may have found it a bit too dominant. The chilli sauce, whilst very mild it did have some character, it sang lower notes for flavour but it added a sweet saltiness to the overall experience.

The doner meat itself was a nice lamb base, tasted very pure to me, as if there was very little in the way of bulking agent, if anything at all.

At £5, this kebab was excellent, Pasha can really be proud of the produce they dish out here. There are a few things I would change like the salad placing and I would probably give away a handful of chips with the kebab too but lets face, we're splitting hairs here.

Verdict: 8/10

Regular Lamb Doner Kebab, Cappadocia, Edinburgh.

Offering: Regular Lamb Doner Kebab

Establishment: Cappadocia, Edinburgh

Date and time: 9th November 2016, 16:30

Price: £5 (concession)

Seating: Around 15


When I was a teenager, after getting annoyed about about my friend's failure to leave The Wee Red Bar, it was common place to acquire what I would consider for much of my foolish teenage years as the pinnacle of bab heaven. A place that would be open when every other babbery had closed. A place that pretended to be closed too but upon closer inspection, one would observe a trickle of drunken ne'er-do-well's emerging from the dimly lit baby-blue takeaway at 03:30. Cappadocia was my palace and I was king!     

Some years later, I experienced a vast array of kebabs from the finest that this country has to offer. I would come realise my embarrassment that Cappadocia probably wasn't exactly how I remembered it but rather, it was maybe the attachment of fond memories of illegal kebabs that tainted my thoughts.


A very vegetable textured chilli sauce, quite weak but the thickness and texture of it is perhaps it's most distinctive and enjoyable feature. Upon first touch, the most defining aspect of this kebab is the fact that it was overwhelmed with it's salad brother. If you look at the photo, you will notice that there is little in the way of meat in this kebab - this is unfair as moving the salad reveals it's carved lamb glories.

... a handful of fried potato companions by it's side - a true testament to a beloved bab, it's a sign that the server and indeed the establishment itself cares about it's customers...

The meat itself is distinctive yet somewhat unbalanced; there seems to be an imbalance in both the texture and the flavour, not the greatest meat I've had, in fact, a bit disappointing. It is unmistakable but you will probably only really enjoy this kebab if you never eaten one for around 5 months (round here, that's unrealistic).

One fine aspect of the Cappadocia experience is the fact that you get a handful of fried potato companions by it's side - a true testament to a beloved bab, it's a sign that the server and indeed the establishment itself cares about it's customers.

Combining the chilli with mayo on the chips is indeed a pleasant experience but the establishment in question does not really do much for me with it's main doner delight. If you're around, give it a bash, you might disagree but from here, I prefer a chips, cheese with salt, vinegar, chilli and mayo - it sounds bizzare but it's a better and cheaper offering than the doner at this juncture.

Verdict: 6/10

Regular Lamb Doner Wrap, Original Best Turkish Kebab House.

Offering: Regular Doner Wrap

Establishment: Original Best Turkish Kebab House, Edinburgh

Date and time: 29th October 2016, 01:00

Price: £5.50

Seating: Yes, very limited
 
The Original Best Turkish Kebab House has stood in it's existing form for around two years or so, it was once a joint venture with the owners of The Best Kebab House, however a disagreement resulted in management going their separate ways and today they are divided only by a pub* and presumably a loyal clientele. These aren't the only "best kebab" establishments in the North and North East Edinburgh area as in Abbeyhill, the Kurdish Best Kebab House has also been sighted.

Now, to the kebab itself, with a vegetable textured chilli sauce that burns without its yoghurt friend, this chilli sauce will normally only be there if you specifically request it. It is amongst the best chilli sauces I've ever tried with doner. This lady in red will gently kiss your tongue upon first touch with an immediately subtle yet full flavour, the further up your tongue she travels though, be prepared for it's burn.

The other accompanying chilli sauce is a milder, sweeter affair, it has a smooth consistency, much more common but by no means poor.

...it is amongst the best chilli sauces I've ever tried with doner. This lady in red will gently kiss your tongue upon first touch with an immediately subtle yet full flavour...

The bread is identical to a Mexican burrito wrap, an alternative to the rougher Arabic Khubz bread you might see more often in lesser establishments (but that is by no means an indictment on such places, rather a mere pattern).

The volume of the kebab itself is slightly smaller than it could be, with that in mind, the owners would do well to provide at this price-point - it could leave an enthusiast craving.

The salad was basic traditional with no surprises (lettuce, onions, tomatoes).

The meat was, I'm told, 100% organic lamb. It tastes good too, the texture is slightly rubbery and maybe drier than average at first kiss but the further she travels, the more you realise you are not eating a bulked out product - you're eating a true, rich lamb contender.

Verdict: 7/10 

*Updated images from Google maps inconveniently shows a bus covering views of both establishments, therefore the image linked is from 2012.

Doner; Reclaiming Our Heritage From The Elite.

Around 40 years ago, if you wanted to eat a quick healthy meal after a hard days graft, you only had the choice of the local chip shop establishment at best, or if you were particularly poor, a packet of Golden Wonder would have to suffice. That was until a new exotic food from the continent started appearing on side streets and main thoroughfares; Scotland, the UK and the rest of the world had changed forever.

It was around this time that analysts noted the stark contrasts in the British socio-political landscape, such striking differences that still reverberate to this day. Indeed it would be the late 1970's when Margaret Thatcher would be appointed Prime Minister and the first notes of punk-rock had been playing in underground nightclubs in what seemed like urban wastelands, shattering all preconceived notions of what popular music could be.

Some 15 Years earlier, the Americans relentlessly raced the Russians to the moon and when Neil Armstrong symbolically first step foot on the reflective surface of that world, he was underwhelmed that he didn't find what he was looking for.

For thousands of years, books had been written; schools of thought had formed; entire civilisations had emerged, perished and re-emerged. The greatest thinkers of all time were about to be humbled: Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, Zlatan. A momentous occasion was upon us!

Soon the day would come. Soon the day would come when a meal so delightful in it's presentation, so exquisite in its posture. So ergonomically advanced and ahead of it's time, boasting a mere 1100 calories...  Soon the day would dawn.

What Armstrong was looking for had been happening for centuries in the Middle East. I have no idea why he went to the moon. Neither did he.

Like the Whirling Dervish, the food known to rotate on a spit was almost upon us - it's rough textured slithers of only the choicest quality, cut to perfection by the only the most qualified artisan, complete with chef's hat, charming apron, preferably a thick moustache and non-native English speaking accent.

...overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment...

One incredibly fateful day, it was as if the birth of a new nation had taken place. A people united only by a shared desire of what culinary perfection could be. An unstoppable desire, a zeitgeist unlike any before it, a true moment of wonder was upon us!


As the slithers of delightful joy tumbled on the pitta, dancing on the bread like heavens children or the notes of a harp, a moment previously unimaginable had just taken place. When it rained a mysterious red along with the greenery one would only have seen in exotic gardens, topped up and presented to our subjects, the looks of amazement and euphoria were unquestionable.

Neil Armstrong finally found what he was looking for.

Golden Wonder would one day catch up, but it was too late. For by then the providential impact of the Turkish community on Scotland and the UK could never be reversed. The edible champion had successfully orchestrated what would go on to be considered one of the biggest, most relentless coup d'etats of all time.

There were suggestions...campaigns; demonstrations even!! This is where true power lies. This magnificent foodstuff must replace the face of the Queen on British currency. It was as if overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment like...well, like the artisan chef himself.

The Doner Kebab had finally arrived in the UK.