Battle of the Babs - Javits v Javits (v Javits)

Offering: Doner Kebab

Establishment: Javits (Gilmerton), Edinburgh (JGil)

Date and time:  10th March 2017, 16:27

Price: £6.50

Seating: No seats!

Offering: Doner Kebab Wrap

Establishment: Javits (Granton), Edinburgh (JGra)

Date and time: 12th March 2017, 17:08

Price: £7.00

Seating: Over 10 seats and 5 tables

For years now, I've heard the considerable fanfare behind the much acclaimed Javits eateries - their kebabs have been critically acclaimed by various media outlets as well as the kebab experts. There also appears to be a difference in the product being offered at these takeaways - in 2016 JGra was nominated in the Kebab Awards whereas in 2017, JGil received this particular accolade. This has lead me to consider that both of these establishments are perhaps serving a different product. I have however observed that they are indeed owned by the same person as one of the links above would clarify. One notable annoyance of these establishments, like the many all over the country is that they both open 4PM onwards - this doesn't make for the most convenient of reviews - adding to this is their distance from Edinburgh City Centre, however I do concede that both these are well catered for by the buses.


When I got off the number 29 bus at Gilmerton, I almost had a heart attack - from the outside, it looked as though my fears had been confirmed - there was not going to be a place in this eatery where I could sit and analyse this doner specimen. When I entered, I had feelings of doubt - I should jump back on a bus and just forget I ever tried Javits, it couldn't possibly be that great anyway, considering how far out of town it was. I spoke to the artisan's assistant, asking him if he would have a small chair whereby I could park myself and thus penetrate this kebab with the thrusting energy of a hundred hyenas feasting on a blue whale. Again, I was left disappointed but there was a solution, albeit a compromise - it was suggested that I use the chest-height counter as an analysis point to which I gladly complied as the photos above demonstrate. The lack of seating and distance from the city centre might put a doner seeker off, however if one perseveres in this case the toil is sure to pay off.

If anything, it is maybe only slightly disappointing that there is no whopping great big pickled chilli pepper on top - like the angel on a Christmas Tree.

Javits know what salad to serve with a kebab! There are no unnecessary cucumbers, the lettuce is finely cut, red cabbage too (it really is shocking when there's no red cabbage in a doner!) and thinly sliced onions. If anything, it is maybe only slightly disappointing that there is no whopping great big pickled chilli pepper on top - like the angel on a Christmas Tree.

I did ask for double helpings of chilli sauce and the chap behind the counter, Danny said that I'd love his sauce; usually I take such declarations with a pinch of salt but in earnest, this sauce was truly magic! Unlike any other chilli sauce I'd sampled before, the burn lies in the strong kick of ginger one feels as a latter after note. It has a thick, vegetable textured consistency, in common with the likes of Original Best Kebab House and Pasha -  but there's been no sauce that's really come close to have such a distinctive taste in Edinburgh, it really stands on its own and its a sauce that everyone needs to try, up there with the OBK sauce but for slightly different reasons.

The salad sauce was a more straight forward affair as usual. It was the tangy light brown common companions to those beastly meaty slithers.

The doner meat was one of the few doners I've tried where I instantly knew that it was seriously high quality. Most kebabs, even though they might be a solid 9, their meat takes an unremitting 40 second taste analysis; not the case with this - the quality hits you instantly and almost unlike any other bab I'd had before. There's a really chewy texture to these slices, not entirely different to Topkapi but a thinner cut and, I'd say higher quality - there's also considerably more meat content in this kebab than pretty much most kebabs I've reviewed at this point, barring the Madras Cottage madness.

The tremendous displays of meaty shish cubes - the meat looked like one of the finest displays I'd ever witnessed in a babbery and put many others to shame.

The pita bread was probably the only thing that let this kebab down - it was hard, tough and felt as though it had been partially left out overnight. I came to conclude that this would likely have been the case because I was probably the first person of the day to have ordered a kebab -it's an experience I'm well acquainted with. I find it hard to believe that staff here would be unable to prepare a pita bread as a general standard and for that reason, I am going to disregard the dodgy pita on this occasion but if it was to happen consistently, I will update this review but I hope that such a thing is unlikely.

On the subject of staff, this place has without doubt, the nicest staff in any Edinburgh kebab shop I've ever visited. Whilst I was tearing deep into this bab, one of the kind staff members dumped a few more chunks of their delicious doner on my kebab -this has never happened to me and it gave me the impression that these guys really care about how they treat their customers - not many people really say that about Marmaris on South Clerk Street for example. The staff even went on to introduce themselves to me and asked me my name too; don't worry though, my pseudonym was not discussed. The staff were also really humble and didn't have the bravado of a place that had been nominated for the British Kebab Awards; the chap from OBK could really learn a lot from these guys. They also gave me free reign of their chilli sauce too, that was great and it reminded me of when I was charged for extra sauce by the guy from OBK.

Whilst I was satisfying my appetite for doner, I witnessed a fellow on first name terms with the staff buying a doner wrap. It was probably close to twice the size of the OBK wrap offering. I observed how the wrap bread was cooked from scratch and placed in a 12-inch pizza tray, covering it in entirety. I also witnessed in abhorrence how the customer then requested brown sauce on his kebab - what a disgusting man! It was at that point I decided that when I returned, I would most certainly be enjoying a Javit wrap. It's beautifully designed architecture, so divine to the eye - I decided then that in the coming days, I would visit the sister babbery in Granton - I would have to wait two days before I could rekindle my deepest desires for kebab perfection.

I took the number 19 out to Granton, it took around 45 minutes on a crisp Sunday and when I got there, the place was a hive of activity - these guys were doing great business. There were around eight members of staff behind the various counters and there were customers waiting in the seated area of the takeaway. The takeaway itself, from the outside looks exceptional; there's a hint of 1950's America with it's big chrome thick-set signage, huge glass panel windows displaying a café style liveliness you don't get in many babberies outwith the rush at 02:45 when the revellers are starting to deplete. Everything about this place is shiny, it's clearly a very tightly run operation.

...served looking very much looking like the phallic beast of Gilmerton two days prior.

Observing the displays, the meat fillets did not look as wholesome as those on display at JGil, they looked considerably less impressive and you could tell instantly that the meat being used for the shish kebabs was not as high a quality as the meat in JGil. It reminded me of the chefs words in JGil - he said how he always purchased the highest end meat being sold by his supplier. He also told me that his doner meat was not made in-house but supplied from Glasgow and at great cost - he would always ask for the most expensive rotation and all this is apparent when one looks at the display offerings in many other babberies around the country.

When I ordered, I noticed that the Granton eatery was generally 50 pence cheaper on most things - I assumed I was getting a slight bargain. Again, the same procedure as JGil seemed to be taking place: the wrap was made from scratch; placed in the oven in a 12-inch pizza pan; topped up to complete capacity with mammoth helpings of doner sustenance; topped again with the finest salad in the kebab family; lathered at immense volume with red chilli sauce with a slighter helping of a tangy sister salad sauce; wrapped tight with it's content seeping through the thin bread base but not enough to destruct this architectural marvel and wrapped in two layers of paper and served looking very much looking like the phallic beast of Gilmerton two days prior.

As I sat down on one of the plentiful chairs I gazed in supreme delight at the monument before me - this was going to be great! I bit into the top of the kebab slowly due to the delicate nature of the operation and I was slightly underwhelmed - this was not the same product being sold in JGil. The meat was good but it never had the textural quality of it's sister operation; the chilli sauce was quite unremarkable - though it had nice chunks of vegetables within, it never had that ginger kick that made JGil such a force to be reckoned with. As I started to slowly unpack the wrap, the kebab was still keeping itself together but mainly due to my experience in handling such foodstuffs - the sauces were getting everywhere though. As I polished it off, I was aware that I had eaten a pretty decent kebab, it was gigantic, it was also quite well priced but I couldn't help but feel it was generally unremarkable. Perhaps if I had tried JGra first, I might have a had a different opinion but I fear I may not have bothered to venture out to JGil if I had. One thing was for certain though - I was not going to eat another morsel that day whatsoever.

There's a disparity that can't be ignored. As far as I'm concerned, when doner in considered, JGil with it's understated and humble exterior outfoxes JGra in almost every way - all it needs is a table and two seats. Now, if only I never realised that there is also a Javits in Wester Hailes, seemingly paying tribute to Team Fortress 2.

Verdict:

Javits of Gilmerton - 9/10

 

Javits of Granton - 7/10

Super Donner, Madras Cottage, Edinburgh

Offering: Super Donner

Establishment: Madras Cottage, Edinburgh

Date and time: 24th December 2016, 19:27

Price: £4.80

Seating: N/A (collected and having never entered the new premises)

There are two types of people in this world: those that like their doner by the size and those that like their doner by quality. I as I'm sure you're aware fall into the latter group - I do value size but I think its important to value price and quality a little bit over size. My father though, he's a man that like the get 'bang for his buck' so to speak. As a result, for years he has enjoyed a gigantic doner kebab from the infamous Madras Cottage. Some years ago, the Cottage used to be situated by the Marionville roundabout and was heavily frequented by my father and I. It has since moved to Piershill after a dispute with the owners of the premises regarding rent left the Cottagers seeking pastures a-new. Despite this move, the quality of their offerings has remained consistent, this standard has remained the same. As always, this review will aim to explore that standard.

In most places, when you ask for the large doner, you very rarely get handed a 10 inch pizza box stuffed full of a gigantic double-sized naan bread, dark wide slithers of doner meat packed to capacity and enough chilli sauce to seep through the cardboard box. What more, if you did receive such a delectable feast, you would expect it to cost north of £10, not south of five. In Madras Cottage you get all of these things. I am sensing your reaction and it's either one of two - you're wondering when this heavenly sounding place opens so you can buy 2 and freeze one for later or, and in my mind more importantly, you are asking yourself what the catch is. This review aims to cater for both of these thought processes.

Once you place the box down on the table and rip the sellotape off and lift that pizza box open, you are greeted with what looks like a large sandwich - once you lift the top half of the bread and witness the sheer volume of content you tend to feel overwhelmed. Upon closer inspection, you do notice quite a large amount of white cabbage in the salad and not only it is really chunky, it's fairly hard too. In fact, the white cabbage is pretty much what make up the vast bulk of the accompanying salad - there is almost no lettuce and even less onions - this salad is a disaster - there are no tomatoes, no jalapenos, no peppers, no carrots and barely even cucumbers (the Eamon Holmes of the salad world) - there was no chance of any coriander or even a zingy little dressing. What's that you say? OK, I gather that it was £4.80 and a week's feast for some people.

 

. . . around two and a half times the size of the Kebab Mahal offering - just to put things into perspective for you.

The chilli sauce is more a sweet sauce, it has no bite at all really and seems seriously overloaded with sugar. There is no salad sauce. I've never had a kebab with salad sauce from the Madras Cottage, they clearly don't serve a salad sauce. Yes, I heard you - 4.80! I know, at this rate I should just buy my own sauces and salad from a better kebab shop and disperse it over the contents of this creation; it'll still cost less than a coffee and a slice of cake.

And this is the part you have probably all been waiting for, the meat of this kebab tastes like it's a mixture of lamb and one or two other things. It does taste heavily processed though but I do suspect that there is some mutton content and maybe even some beef and/or turkey content too. If you see above, the menu also fails to explain what exactly this meat is made of, preferring to describe itself simply as "donner". It tastes pretty decent considering its ambiguity. It doesn't taste all that distinctive though, pretty boringly seasoned and a bit on the bland side, it is however a very salty tasting kebab - I imagine it contains way more than the recomended daily salt intake for the average person. It is because of meat like this though that all those world weary, health conscious, perspicacious types are critical of our beloved babs - you know the type; the kind of person that ridicules you for your doner offering whilst taking a bite of their rank looking sausage!

The naan bread is pretty decent, incredibly large, though maybe a little too small for an even distribution of its delightful toppings but it is £4.80. It's a thick naan too, not really much like the naan from Kebab Mahal. This kebab is also around two and a half times the size of the Kebab Mahal offering - just to put things into perspective for you.

This kebab could easily be shared between 2-3 people and if you buy it and consume it all yourself then I salute you. I will also call A & E. Because this kebab was collected by my father, I was not in a position to ask if they made the chilli sauce themselves and similarly, I was in no position to see if there was any seating area in the premises.

I will give you my verdict: the kebab is £4.80. At this price, you really can't go too far wrong as someone is bound to be impressed by the sheer magnitude of this monsterously sized doner! With this in mind, I am going to award it an above average score, however, if you are like my father and value quantity over quality, I reccomend you add four marks (Marx?) to my verdict. Either way, everyone should try this kebab - take it as a gift; bring it to your Bar Mitzvahs; take it instead of grapes to the hospital or why not bribe the police?

Verdict: 6/10