Small Doner Kebab, Turkish Doner Inn, Edinburgh.

Offering: Small Doner Kebab

Establishment: Turkish Doner Inn, Edinburgh

Date and time:  10th of November 2016, 17:30

Price: £6

Seating: 2 small seats at one table


1975 would go on to be known for a lot of things - the first episode of Fawlty Towers; the release of Queen's, Bohemian Rhapsody; the year Margaret Thatcher defeated Edward Heath in the Conservative Party leadership election. All of these events pale in comparison though to the introduction of the doner kebab to Scotland.

The Turkish Doner Inn (I am told by the thick-moustachioed, burly man behind the fluorescent display) was the first place in Scotland to offer the delights of doner on these cold streets. The place is not much to look at but there is a curious and strange sense of historical significance, a bit like hearing your child's first word but more momentous.

This kebab is sadly quite small and to pay a price of £6 for something so dinky seems a bit unfortunate but then again, it costs a fair bit off the £20 for entry into Edinburgh Castle and having a kebab here is of considerably greater historical value. Nearby, there are a multitude of places to enjoy a delightful kebab - Pasha or Three Coins (expect a review soon) that offer a large kebab at the price of the small shown above.

Upon the lift, the bread falls apart like a kebab virgin being introduced to the mighty doner for the first time in their life, minus the delight...

Another notable aspect of this kebab, for me was that the salad was not all that colourful; it's not the end of the world though as upon first contact, our hero is greeted by a smooth, sweet chilli sauce combined with a tangy salad brother. The best way to describe this chilli would be to think of Tangy Toms in liquid form, particularly when you reach the end of the packet and you have all the overly flavoured crumbs at the bottom.

The meat itself is reasonable, it's nothing to write home about but it is indeed delightful enough in its own way. It is by no means plentiful though, this is most unfortunate as the chilli sauce really dances samba with those slithers of lamb.

The pita bread is soft; it therefore has very little in the way of sturdiness. Upon the lift, the bread falls apart like a kebab virgin being introduced to the mighty doner for the first time in their life, minus the delight. The only time I find the pita falling apart to be a good sign is when the doner itself is so plentiful that the pita can't contain its joy at being one with you, this is not the case here though - the meat quantity is not what I have come to expect from a £6 entrance fee.

Overall, this kebab was decent, not great. The chilli sauce has been an unchanged recipe for the last 40 years or so and with good reason, that sauce really shines on the lamb but the offering itself is a little stingy. I would take people here in order to enjoy the historical importance, to show my grand-children what their ancestors had to see, every other time though, I might just bomb it to Pasha.

Verdict: 6/10

Regular Lamb Doner Kebab, Cappadocia, Edinburgh.

Offering: Regular Lamb Doner Kebab

Establishment: Cappadocia, Edinburgh

Date and time: 9th November 2016, 16:30

Price: £5 (concession)

Seating: Around 15


When I was a teenager, after getting annoyed about about my friend's failure to leave The Wee Red Bar, it was common place to acquire what I would consider for much of my foolish teenage years as the pinnacle of bab heaven. A place that would be open when every other babbery had closed. A place that pretended to be closed too but upon closer inspection, one would observe a trickle of drunken ne'er-do-well's emerging from the dimly lit baby-blue takeaway at 03:30. Cappadocia was my palace and I was king!     

Some years later, I experienced a vast array of kebabs from the finest that this country has to offer. I would come realise my embarrassment that Cappadocia probably wasn't exactly how I remembered it but rather, it was maybe the attachment of fond memories of illegal kebabs that tainted my thoughts.


A very vegetable textured chilli sauce, quite weak but the thickness and texture of it is perhaps it's most distinctive and enjoyable feature. Upon first touch, the most defining aspect of this kebab is the fact that it was overwhelmed with it's salad brother. If you look at the photo, you will notice that there is little in the way of meat in this kebab - this is unfair as moving the salad reveals it's carved lamb glories.

... a handful of fried potato companions by it's side - a true testament to a beloved bab, it's a sign that the server and indeed the establishment itself cares about it's customers...

The meat itself is distinctive yet somewhat unbalanced; there seems to be an imbalance in both the texture and the flavour, not the greatest meat I've had, in fact, a bit disappointing. It is unmistakable but you will probably only really enjoy this kebab if you never eaten one for around 5 months (round here, that's unrealistic).

One fine aspect of the Cappadocia experience is the fact that you get a handful of fried potato companions by it's side - a true testament to a beloved bab, it's a sign that the server and indeed the establishment itself cares about it's customers.

Combining the chilli with mayo on the chips is indeed a pleasant experience but the establishment in question does not really do much for me with it's main doner delight. If you're around, give it a bash, you might disagree but from here, I prefer a chips, cheese with salt, vinegar, chilli and mayo - it sounds bizzare but it's a better and cheaper offering than the doner at this juncture.

Verdict: 6/10

Doner; Reclaiming Our Heritage From The Elite.

Around 40 years ago, if you wanted to eat a quick healthy meal after a hard days graft, you only had the choice of the local chip shop establishment at best, or if you were particularly poor, a packet of Golden Wonder would have to suffice. That was until a new exotic food from the continent started appearing on side streets and main thoroughfares; Scotland, the UK and the rest of the world had changed forever.

It was around this time that analysts noted the stark contrasts in the British socio-political landscape, such striking differences that still reverberate to this day. Indeed it would be the late 1970's when Margaret Thatcher would be appointed Prime Minister and the first notes of punk-rock had been playing in underground nightclubs in what seemed like urban wastelands, shattering all preconceived notions of what popular music could be.

Some 15 Years earlier, the Americans relentlessly raced the Russians to the moon and when Neil Armstrong symbolically first step foot on the reflective surface of that world, he was underwhelmed that he didn't find what he was looking for.

For thousands of years, books had been written; schools of thought had formed; entire civilisations had emerged, perished and re-emerged. The greatest thinkers of all time were about to be humbled: Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein, Zlatan. A momentous occasion was upon us!

Soon the day would come. Soon the day would come when a meal so delightful in it's presentation, so exquisite in its posture. So ergonomically advanced and ahead of it's time, boasting a mere 1100 calories...  Soon the day would dawn.

What Armstrong was looking for had been happening for centuries in the Middle East. I have no idea why he went to the moon. Neither did he.

Like the Whirling Dervish, the food known to rotate on a spit was almost upon us - it's rough textured slithers of only the choicest quality, cut to perfection by the only the most qualified artisan, complete with chef's hat, charming apron, preferably a thick moustache and non-native English speaking accent.

...overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment...

One incredibly fateful day, it was as if the birth of a new nation had taken place. A people united only by a shared desire of what culinary perfection could be. An unstoppable desire, a zeitgeist unlike any before it, a true moment of wonder was upon us!


As the slithers of delightful joy tumbled on the pitta, dancing on the bread like heavens children or the notes of a harp, a moment previously unimaginable had just taken place. When it rained a mysterious red along with the greenery one would only have seen in exotic gardens, topped up and presented to our subjects, the looks of amazement and euphoria were unquestionable.

Neil Armstrong finally found what he was looking for.

Golden Wonder would one day catch up, but it was too late. For by then the providential impact of the Turkish community on Scotland and the UK could never be reversed. The edible champion had successfully orchestrated what would go on to be considered one of the biggest, most relentless coup d'etats of all time.

There were suggestions...campaigns; demonstrations even!! This is where true power lies. This magnificent foodstuff must replace the face of the Queen on British currency. It was as if overnight, those who had once been so powerful, saw themselves slip off the radar as each sharpened knife tore into grilled minced lamb; the regiments began revolting, the army as a unified single force tore through the establishment like...well, like the artisan chef himself.

The Doner Kebab had finally arrived in the UK.